I am sitting in the early sunshine of the day. Around me the birds are calling, and I feel relaxed.  It reminds me of the image of a tropical island, sparkling water, white sand, and blue sky.  Well actually, it reminds me of the feeling that is related to that image. 

So much of the time we are busy doing.  It takes a week or so, once we have given ourselves permission to relax, before we can relax completely.  A friend recently returned from Cambodia where she observed villagers who had nothing, but they smiled more than most Westerners with all their wealth and goods.  So why did it take me so long to get to a point where I can relax and smile like this?

“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it’s yours.”
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

First I had to let go.  I kept my dreams but I let go of the expectation of finding them.  I continue to work, looking for the joy of creativity, but no longer expecting that what I create will last.  I spend more time caring for myself, and I have found that I can protect my inner child.  Relationships take priority over owning something.

 I am happy in the now.

 

Letting Go (2005)

I’m not sure why

I am the way I am

or we are the way we are.

I get under your skin all the time

you itch under mine

and we both suffer;

misunderstanding the other.

 

I want to let go

and let God keep his word

I want to let go

and forgive you

to soften and give you

what you need,

I want to let go

but I bleed inside,

when I try

to let go of my pride.

 

So I know its not easy,

you’re unlikely to please me

in all of the ways that I need.

But we have a good history

and I want you to be with me

when the new growth shoots out from the seed.

_________________________________

I wrote the above poem to my then wife, with best intentions, but 5 years later I let her go too.

Why? Divorce is a complex and painful process, and not to be taken lightly. In order to proceed down that path, one has to believe that the significant pain will be outweighed with peace, that the extent that one can smile serenely will be increased, that life will be more abundant. If one is diminished, unable to be themselves in a relationship, and finds it sad to go home, then there is work to be done to find out the ‘why’. Once I discovered what was blocking life within me, I was able to let that blockage go.

I don’t agree with the view that attachment is wrong. It is the attachment that diminishes life-force, that stops growth, covers our diamond with egoic crud, that restrains us from being our higher self, that is the sort of attachment that we need to let go of. Let go of grumpy!

Make time to discover the blockages to your life, and let go of them. You may find you can smile more, even if you have comparatively little, because you will love yourself for doing it.

Once you love yourself, and can smile serenely, in my experience  then others will find they want to be near you. And isn’t being loved like that what you always wanted?