How can eternal love exist?
We know within ourselves that we make mistakes, and fail to be what we desire, for ourselves, let alone those we wish to love. How is it we are capable of the flow of a river from our hearts to the lake of another, if our human heart is dry, broken, and left to bleed on the desert sands of existence?
I can only make sense of this because I know there is something deep within me – a well of love that never fails. As Deepak Chopra says “At the core of my being I am in touch with the light and the love and the knowingness that are the inherent properties of my natural state”
For decades I struggled with the freedom of this concept.
I was raised in a traditional Christian family, where God (sic) was external, and looked down at me and my mistakes. As a Lutheran (similarly read Catholic or Protestant), I believed that God judged me as a sinner, and because he was a legal being who had to punish someone for my faults, so he would only accept me into heaven (a place of reward) by punishing Jesus, his son, who is also God, with a cruel death of crucifixion. This was ostensibly a loving act because if I believed in Jesus as saviour I would be reconciled with this external God.
That was my belief.
I love Lachlan and always will. He was my only son.
I could not reconcile the raw pain of hugging my son’s cold hard lifeless chest, and wanting nothing more than my son’s life, with a supreme being who would justify killing his own son.
My heart-soul was having serious surgery on it at that time.
The poem “Ripples” that I read at Lachlan’s funeral ended with these lines:
“You are my only son, my boy
and that you’ll always be.
For you were always dearly loved,
now forever you’ll be free.
One last thing, my son!
(I know you’ll smile at me!)
I always said God loved you,
and now, at last,
But who or what was this presence?
The Bible says “God is Love”.
This is not a God of judgment, because Lachlan did not hold to the rules of theology. He had also taken his life, and many people believe he would exist in a bad place after death. I believe that the soul or observant character of a human continues on after the body dies. What had happened to Lachlan?
I was to find out only a few weeks later, when I was visited by Lachlan in a dream. This was not the clinically depressed boy who had suffered so much angst and self-loathing from about 10 years old. This was the handsome, laughing adult man that I believed existed, but had rarely seen.
The dream was all too brief.
Lachlan saw me, his face broke into the most delighted smile, his whole being glowed. He ran towards me, threw his arms around me and held me. His eyes were shining, and he looked at me with such peace and contentment that I was myself in heaven for that brief time. He didn’t speak. He didn’t have to. All I needed to know I saw. He was truly at peace and in the presence of Love. Lachlan’s visit also brought peace to me.
I had for years wondered if love itself is a being, a character, rather than a human attribute. Now I was confirmed in my understanding of what Love is.
Love is a presence, a life force that exists within every sentient being, much in the same way as electricity exists and has a role in animal cells. It is necessary for life, not easily defined, but is always present where life is. In the case of Love the extensor to this model is that when time or life ceases, Love continues. We humans struggle with concepts beyond our current dimensions of matter and time. Who knows, perhaps electricity extends beyond time too?