When I moved country, I spoke to my daughter, and told her how I had purchased a one way ticket back to where I am now living, in Canada. This was a move to the other side of the world, almost directly on the bottom (or top) of the planet from Australia, down-under, where I was born and raised. It reminds me of the amazing flight of the Arctic Tern, (pictured) which each year flies from the Northern Arctic down to the Southern Arctic, and then back again!
My daughter was surprised, because it had not sunk in that the move here was more than for a short visit. Truth is it had not really hit me that I was migrating. I had decided to do the same as these beautiful migratory birds, and fly back to where my children were nested, every year. But the way things are, I think I will be here for years, and adjusting to that is one reality which I am tackling now.
Firstly, I miss my family and friends. You cannot replace years of being together, and that is a loss which has led me to rethink what life is all about. Why am I both settled and yet restless? Well within myself I have found a maturity in decision making, and an understanding and acceptance of myself, a freedom to follow my heart and that is settling. I know deep within that I can go anywhere on this planet, and be able to contribute, to love, and to find acceptance and love.
Yet on the other hand I struggle with staying free of the voice of my ego.
I heard “You haven’t a job, how are you going to survive financially” even though I had encouraging progress and support in work. I heard “You are deluding yourself that the woman of your dreams will stay with you” because it requires time to be relaxed about a future together, having just come out of a mismatched relationship. And I heard “people are judging you for leaving” while I was trying to reject the concept of judgment as a principle.
Don Miguel Ruiz says in ‘The Four Agreements’,
“To be alive is the greatest fear we have. Death is not the greatest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive – the risk to be alive and express what we really are. Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans”
The fears that I have had were about survival, being alone and rejection. Perhaps they are all in the same bucket. Love is the arch-enemy of fear, and status, rejection and abandonment are all constructs of someone else. Will I really die of starvation, lose those I love and be ignored by the world while I love and care?
I suspect that in my youth I created the story that I needed to be wealthy, to own love and earn respect and acceptance. Let’s think about the elements of this story.
- My most respected leaders in history (Ghandi, Jesus, Buddha, Mandela) were not wealthy, but it did not stop their impeccable nature.
- You cannot own love, it is a gift, to be given, and accepted without obligation. It is also hard to realise that love is much wider that a single person, and tying expectations to one person is likely to smother them.
- Jesus said “Judge not, and you will not be judged”. If I can stop judging, others AND myself, then I will no longer value judgement of others, which frees me from taking on rejection.
So I am migrating, yes. I am migrating in my spirit to another place where I release the old story and can make decisions to love as best I can with the people who enter my life each day.
I am migrating to an acceptance of myself, not blind acceptance, but comparing each decision against the rule of love, not the stories of the past.
I am migrating away from ownership of love, of things, of obligations, and towards the joy of appreciating each instance of love towards me that I encounter, knowing there is an infinite pool to drink from. I don’t need to earn acceptance, either. Fresh air exists – it is just a matter of getting out of the smog and inhaling deeply where life growth is generating oxygen.
I am migrating to the wealth of living simply, appreciating every meal, each night of comfort, every hug, and each thought and kind gesture.
I will live here, anywhere.